Urgent! What do you think of this as a start to my story. ?
I’m 14 and write for fun. The story is aimed mainly at female teenagers and young adults. It’s a romantic drama I guess. I’m specifically interested in whether you would read the whole story, any improvements I can make etc. Thanks in advance! 
If you had told me of the destiny that was soon to bloom in the beautiful mess that was my life, perhaps I would have laughed. Perhaps I wouldn’t have believed you. But most probably I would have desperately clung to your words, hoping for some sort of serenity, hoping for a happy ending. This is my teenage fairytale, unbelievably flawed yet unbelievably beautiful.
I sat quietly in the corner of my room; the incense I bought wafted a delightful fragrance through my room. Slow breath in, slow breath out. Meditation; one of my only escapes from the harsh realities of life in South Clearview, of life itself. The ringing of my old alarm clock abruptly interrupted my tranquility. Time for the gym. I quickly pulled on a black ac/dc singlet and small black shorts. I pulled my hair into a ponytail. Avoided all mirrors at every cost. I knew very well the trouble one glance could cause.
Out the door I went. I quickly jumped on my bike and peddled down the alleys of South- Clearview. Darkness was emerging quickly although my watch only read 5:00pm. South Clearview was the rust spot on a beautiful corvette, the thorn on the most dazzling rose, but it was where my run-down home was grounded. Though the town was old and dirty it was character building unlike Central Clearview. It was a miniature Beverly Hills. It was where the rich, powerful and beautiful lived, with their sprawling, manicured lawns, glimmering pools and lives seen through rose-coloured lenses.
After ten minutes of riding I entered Central Clearview. Long winding paths, lined with sweet smelling flowers and weeping willows emerged from the dark, eerie alleyways lined with families housed in cardboard boxes and dumpsters. The wailing of police sirens and screams of beaten children were replaced with the chirping of bell-birds and the laughter of happy family facades. I had to admit the atmosphere of Central Clearview had the amazing power of melting away my stresses but at the same time the unfortunate ability to sicken and disgust me.
Soon I arrived at Vigor Gym and found my friend Cynthia Thompson awaiting me. Cynthia was a smoldering beauty, with an athletic figure, captivating jet black, almond shaped eyes, luscious lashes and full lips, she was half Cherokee, and had inherited beautiful, dark skin. Her silky black hair was cut stylishly around her shoulders and her quick wit and guard was constantly up. She wore tight black bike pants and an Ed Hardy designer tee. She was a Central Clearview resident, but you’d never guess it. She was down to earth and un-interested in the idealistic, competitive lifestyles that was almost mandatory with the ownership of an enormous English Tudor style home like hers
I have to admit that this is not the type of thing I’m into.
But I must say that for what you are going for, it it working very, very well. The point of view is very well established and your introduction brings us right into the character’s life.
The great thing you did is to give us a promise in the opening paragraph. The problem is that the promise has to pay off. The introduction is strong. Now it’s time for the rest of the story.
I’m interested to find out what happens.
**************STORY IN DESCRIPTION BOX***********
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my friend go to change is hair it will be lucky for him or isn’t?